I just saw somethg I've never seen before

A man standing at a urinal holding a baby.

Is that allowed?

Slappin' your troubles away

Every so often, a series of events in someone's life can occur to make them an internet sensation. Such is the case recently with Vince Shlomi. Most people would know him as the ShamWow! guy, but he has also been pitching other stuff on TV like the SlapChop. That's all great, but when pictures of your jacked up face appear in a mugshot after your fight with a hooker, you become a big celebrity. And if one of your infomercials just happens to contain the line "you're gonna love my nuts", the interwebs will be crawling all over themselves to parody you.

I came across this fantastic remix of the SlapChop commercial by DJ Steve Porter called "Rap Chop" (mp3 available on his site). Its pretty much just the entire commercial with a beat an an autotune added. I can't stop watching.



If this had been the original commercial for the SlapChop, I would now own 14 of them. I think I'm gonna play this song at my wedding.

Stop having boring tuna.

Pigeoned!

Not so long ago, I wrote a post about how totally awesome it is to see birds indoors. I am now retracting that sentiment (under certain circumstances).

I went into work one morning last week and one of my coworkers came up to me and said, "I hear you've got pigeons." Evidently, early that morning someone had been working in the lab where I was building my latest laser and a pigeon swooped down out of the drop ceiling, circled the lab a few times, and escaped back up into the ceiling. What the hell!

It seems that the creature somehow worked its way into the building through a gap in one of the outdoor light fixtures and had been wandering around above our ceilings for some time. It found a missing ceiling tile in my lab and decided to check things out. I found all of this rather amusing until I went into my lab and discovered the following.



It seems that on its sojourn through the lab, the pigeon decided to shatter my pair of laser goggles. Or should I say he shattered my NEW pair of laser goggles that I depend on to protect my fragile eyeballs from certain laser-induced catastrophe! So now, as they say, it is on.

I went back to business as usual until later that afternoon when I heard the sound that meant my revenge was imminent; a little flutter from the other side of the partition in the lab. I stuck my head around the corner and found myself inches away from a mad-flapping beast. At this point, some of the details of the events vary. Some claim that, after being nearly slapped in the face by an errant wing, I let out something of a scream or a yelp. HOWEVER, my story is that, when faced with my nemesis, I unleashed a thundering war cry that sent it scurrying in fear.

I plugged the hole in the ceiling, called in some help, and we chased the thing around the lab for a while until it got tired and crashed into a wall. The pigeon fell down behind some stuff and got pinned against the wall. We just reached down with a bag, grabbed it, and carried it outside. When the bird was released, he flew around in a big circle and landed right back on the building to let the cycle of adventure begin anew.

KM Lasers: Now with more Pigeon!

Say What?

Overheard at Red Robin this evening:

"With a great moustache comes great responsibility."

I could not agree more.

Happy VD

St. Valentine's Day has come and gone and the spirit of the holiday got me thinking about one of the most romantic movies I have seen in a while, Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (and yes, I did just watch Love Actually). Even though it did not garner a single Oscar, I found it to be a very good film.

*spoiler alert* - they smoke pot

Also, there is a very touching scene towards the end where Kumar is trying to win back the girl he loves as she is in the middle marrying some jag-off. Kumar recites the following poem to her.

The Square Root of Three, by David Feinberg

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

He's sensitive AND scientific. I don't know how the girl kept from jumping his bones right then and there!

Happy Valentine's Day!

The Birds!

Do you know what's awesome? Birds living indoors.

I'm sitting in the airport and I hear what I think is a recording of bird noises coming form a nearby potted tree. A bit later, from that same tree, swoops out and actual living bird, indoors, where HUMANS are! The little guy was just stopping by to grab some fry crumbs from a sloppy McDonalds patron (lucky bird). Now animals, in general, do not shock me but you expect to see them outside and people inside. Once, a bat got into my church during a service as a kid and that was pretty awesome, too (not many people received The Word that day). And don't get me started on all the lifeforms in my old college apartment.

Later on as I'm walking through the airport atrium, there are birds swooping among the rafters and chirping away and it makes this pile of steel feel so natural again. When the two of us can live together for mutual benefit (clean floors and free dinner), that's what's awesome!

You know what's awesome?

Do you know what's awesome? Freeze-proof drinking fountains.

I just started up running again after a break and I went out on my usual municipal multi-use pathway. About halfway into my morning run I realized I was thirsty. I then realized that it was mid January. Then, I realized that cities always shut of outdoor water fountains in the winter. I then realized that I was boned. That is, until I came upon the next drinking fountain on my route. It bore the following inscription.

ATTENTION:
This is a freeze-proof drinking fountain. Please hold the button down until the water begins to flow. It will remain active year-round. Sorry for the convenience.

Freeze-proof drinking fountains saved my bacon. That's what's awesome!